i can almost feel life slipping out of me, slowly, but surely.
big gugu called today.
and i don't know why i've been crying for the past one hour.
i don't feel sadness.
i just feel like crying.
why the hell are those adults trying to drag me into this whirlpool?
i'm a kid.
a 18 year old kid whose status is smaller than theirs.
so i can't take part.
because if i do, i'll make sure things turn out ugly.
i'll change my phone number, plug the telephone cord off my house phone and close my house door all day long.
and then i won't let them take genuine away.
i mean what is this? linda gu gu is building her own victory on the trustworthiness of my dad.
and she's playing on the gullibility of people when it comes to family.
in short, she's manipulating people for her own superficial goals.
she's indignant of having lost.
yes, i sent a message to her and she thought she's lost the game.
so she made a comeback, this time round, making sure to use all the pawns that she can afford to.
how far can she go?
she may be able to bring genuine away, she can pretend to not pay the $18,000, but does she seriously think she has won?
if i can get into the game, i'm gonna give dad a slap.
he has previously said to not fight for genuine's custody and he's doing so now.
and then it's all drama until he's off my territory.
as for may gu gu, i wont be able to do anything to her.
as far as i'm concerned, she's out of the game. she's merely an extra that my aunt got in her desperate attempt to make reason appear to be on her side.
as for my linda gu gu, i'll make sure genuine doesn't want to stay with her.
i don't know what will i do, but in my frail attempt to make her lose, i'll make sure genuine doesn't want to go over to her place. willingly.
if need be, i'll go over to the police.
although she doesn't harrass me in the form of splashing paint and whatnots, but i believe that if i get a report from the psychiatrist, i'll be able to get protection of some sort.
i make sure they won't be able to get close to me.
well, that is IF i can get in the game.
and IF i even want to get in the game.
because i'll make things uglier than it is now. that's for sure.
right now, i just wish they can leave me alone.
i don't wanna go home.
i'm afraid to.
i afraid to see dad come knocking on the door and staying for one hour over, trying to win genuine's trust.
i hate such hypocrisy.
i'm afraid each time my phone rings.
i'm afraid it might be some number i don't know, or some number that i know.
i'm afraid it might be dad calling, trying to check up on me and mom and genuine.
it's like some spy, calling you every day and asking where are you now, what you've been doing and what your mom is doing, has done and her whereabouts.
do i even look like a stalker?
i'm afraid it's one of my aunts, calling up to give me a lecture.
on a serious note, i knew long ago that none of my aunts are exactly good.
to be honest, they side one another.
it's an unspoken pact in their family to side one another whenever one of them is in trouble (and my dad is out of the pact --- because he has nothing to offer in return)
but my too-gullible-a-mom kept on believing that they're not bad.
she believed that they'll be open to reason and that since they're both women, they'll empathize with her.
she's wrong, so wrong.
they might be women, but they aren't the least bit empathetic.
linda gu gu is a career woman. having experiencing decades of harsh times in the business world, i strictly do not believe that she's sort of women who is susceptible to feminine weakness like those of empathy.
may gu gu is a woman who is of the wild type. she's seen many different kind of situations, fighting, ecstasy, alcoholic addiction... which of these hasn't she seen? in fact, linda gu gu has seen such things too. as such, why on earth would she get emotional over a woman who lost her husband and is about to lose her dearest and youngest child?
they aren't even the type of woman you'll see walking down the street, holding dozens of shopping bags or even eating a box of chee cheong fan while standing. they're the type who has brimming pride and overwhelming dignity.
right now, i just wanna die off.
maybe all of these is just a nightmare, and when i wake up, i'll be lying in a rattan cot, drinking on my milk bottle and my great grandmother would be cursing why aren't i sleeping yet while sipping on her kopi o.
so perhaps i should just learn from maul from inception. jump off the building and see if this kind of shit ends. (the thing is if i jump and if i die, the shit ends for me, the war rages on. if i jump and i don't die, the shit ends for me and everyone else because the war will end.)
the hardest thing is how to jump and don't fracture anything. because even if the war ends, it still hurts a lot for me.
